The Psychology of Getting Laid
by dawbygirl
Summary: Because everyone loves emsemble vacation fics! Sex, drugs, violence, and crossdressers! All this while Tsukasa tries to get past first base!
1. The F4 Improved My Pitching

**The Psychology of Getting Laid **

**Summary:** Because everyone loves ensemble vacation fics!

**Disclaimer:** Don't own Boys Over Flowers/Hana Yori Dango. If I did, I would be holed up in my bedroom with Tsukasa and not sitting in front of a computer writing silly fanfics.

**Author's Note**: For anyone reading Legend, I haven't abandoned it. Comedy is really difficult for me to write, and my writing is out of practice in general. Since this fic is light-hearted but not strict comedy, I'm hoping it will ease me back into writing more easily than Legend was.

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**Chapter One: The F4 Improved My Pitching**

"Oi! Makino!"

Tsukushi Makino jumped as the door to the shop burst open and clattered against a display case set against the wall.

"Domyoji, you jerk!" she sputtered, reflexively hurling the nearest object on hand – in this case the bottle of cleaning solution she had just been using in conjunction with a cloth on the sales counter – at the head that, regrettably, belonged to her obnoxious boyfriend.

Yuki Matsuko, co-worker and best friend, winced as the full plastic bottle struck the billionaire heir to Domyoji Corp directly between the eyes. Tsukushi's aim was only improving from spending time with Tsukasa Domyoji and his friends. While he was down for the count, clutching his forehead and cursing louder than was necessary, Yuki admonished her friend lightly.

"Really, Tsukushi, you ought to watch that temper," she said gently.

"But he's always got to – to stride! into a place like some lord of the manor!" Tsukushi protested, otherwise ignoring said individual. "Why can't he ever behave like a normal person and not a caveman?"

Yuki giggled a bit at that. "I don't think he can be a caveman _and _lord of the manor, Tsukushi."

Tsukushi rubbed the back of her head sheepishly, a grin creeping onto her face. "No, I guess not – " she began, when Tsukasa cut in irritably.

"Does anyone care that I'm _injured?_" he demanded.

Yuki put a hand to her mouth. "Oh, sorry, Domyoji! It's just, you know, she does it so often and you're always okay after all and – "

A vein twitched on Tsukushi's brow, her fist unconsciously clenching into a fist and her eyes narrowing irritably at him. "Why, you – "

"Nevermind," he interrupted, scowling. His long legs brought him up to the counter in two steps and he planted his big hands on the counter top. "Make sure you take off work this weekend. Thursday and Friday, too. We're leaving Thursday."

Tsukushi and Yuki both gaped.

"You look like a couple of goldfish,"grumbled Tsukasa, lifting his eyebrow maddeningly. "C'mon, Tsukushi. Don't act like you're clueless."

She finally found her voice. "Know what? What the hell are you talking about?"

He grimaced as he turned to leave. "If you don't have anything to wear, make sure you let me know today so we can go shopping before we leave."

Yuki quickly extricated the stapler – this time the handiest item to hurl – from her friend's grasp before the heavy object could be flung at Tsukasa's curly retreating head. "Where are you guys going?"

Tsukasa looked back over his shoulder and flashed a smug, triumphant smile. "We're going to Hawaii! Tsukushi wanted to go with me!"

"I do not want to go to Hawaii!" Tsukushi raged in the background.

"Hawaii was your idea," he frowned, pointing one long finger. "So don't try to get out of it now. I've already bought plane tickets and booked the hotel."

With that, he swept out the door.

Yuki turned to Tsukushi in surprise. "Is that true? I think it's fantastic that you want to take a vacation with Tsukasa. It'll be good for you two."

Tsukushi was turning blue with suppressed hysterics. "I have no idea what he's talking about! I never said we should go to Hawaii! You know how he gets!" Her tone turned conspiratorial. "Sometimes I think he might just be delusional."

Yuki blinked. "Delusional?"

Tsukushi pointed her nose in the air and crossed her arms stubbornly. "Anyway, I can't take time off from work!"

Right on cue, the owner of the store stepped out of the back office and sighed. "Sorry girls, but we failed inspection and need to have repairs done this weekend. I'll pay you for the days anyway, but we're going have to close until after the weekend."

Yuki clapped her hands together exuberantly. "Perfect."

Tsukushi glowered. "Uh-uh. Not going."

"This will be good for your relationship," Yuki hissed into her ear as the boss puttered with paperwork a few yards away. "You need the time alone."

"Time alone for what!" Tsukushi exclaimed, her voice rising enough to startled a pair of customers entering the store.

Yuki gave her the Look. The other girl's face instantly turned bright red.

"_That?" _she choked out in a stage whisper. "Oh, no. That is not a reason for going anywhere."

Yuki just smiled sweetly. Tsukushi crossed her arms.

"I'm totally not going."

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Okay, short first chapter. Nothing special about it, really. But read and review. I plan to have a lot of fun with it. – luvs – 


	2. She's Totally Going

The Psychology of Getting Laid

**Summary: **Because everyone loves ensemble vacation fics! Especially when you offer the promise of sex. Neehee…

**Disclaimer: **Tsukushi and her guys belong to the beautiful and talented Yoko Kamio, and not to me. weep weep

**Author's Note:** Now edited for optimum shininess!! Yay!!

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**Chapter Two: She's Totally Going**

When she thought back on it, no matter how much she protested to Yuki that her stupid squid-head of a boyfriend was clearly going schizophrenic, the scary part was that she was fairly certain where Tsukasa had gotten the idea that she wanted him to take her to Hawaii.

The day I start thinking like Tsukasa is a dark day, indeed, Tsukushi thought grimly as she walked home from work in the twilight.

Sunday had been a good day. Both Tsukasa and Tsukushi had been in pleasant moods, which for them meant the minimal level of antagonism that kept their relationship – well, from getting boring, at least. They'd had lunch and seen a movie and had gone back to Tsukasa's enormous home and settled together comfortably on the couch to watch television. The boys – Sojiro and Akira especially seemed to spend more time at the Domyoji mansion than even Tsukasa did – were blessedly absent that day, the player pair busy with their own pursuits and Rui probably sleeping off his last nap. Even the live-in staff had made themselves scarce that afternoon.

There had been a few of the usual squabbles – don't sit so close to me, quit hogging my cushion, I don't want to watch your stupid anime – but Tsukasa had finally stopped playing with the remote control long enough for Tsukushi to snatch it away from him triumphantly. The resulting tussle for the controller had gotten physical in ways that she would rarely allow unless some sort of mild violence was involved.

What a sad commentary on myself that is, she told herself wryly.

In the end, Tsukushi had clutched the remote to her chest and curled herself over it, stomach and face down on the sofa, laughing so hard she could barely breathe, while Tsukasa tackled her from behind, wrapping his legs around hers and worming his long arms under her body, his strong fingers seeking the remote while he yelled random complaints above the muffled shriek of her laughter.

As she reached the block her apartment was on, she flushed slightly, clearly remembering twisting free of his grasp, breathlessly protesting that she couldn't breathe, he was tickling her, she surrendered! And then there she was, heaving bosom and all, her face inches from his, one leg trapped between both of his and the other inexplicably hooked over his hip. Her knee, bare below the cuffs of her shorts, had pushed up the bottom of his t-shirt and she felt hot skin against her own. His one arm, rooted near her left ear, supported his weight. The other solid arm was still wrapped around her torso, and her own top had apparently ridden up in the scuffle, because she could feel the heat from each of his fingertips on the skin of her back.

The smiles on their faces must have frozen at the same time as they realized their position. They had probably both blushed at the same time, too.

Tsukushi scowled as she reached her front door and stabbed the key in the lock. Damn, that boy blushed easily. And what was he blushing for anyway? She was the one who'd been trapped underneath that long, heavy body. He was the one all over her. Jerk. It was harder to be self-righteous when he was just as flustered as she.

They had stayed immobile, staring at each other in shock, for – oh, it was probably only a few seconds, but felt so much longer. He'd gotten that burning look in his eye that always freaked her out and she'd panicked, as usual.

Sighing, she dropped her keys in the basket by the door and wandered over to the kitchen area. Hawaii? Alone? With Tsukasa? Now there was a terrifying prospect, no matter how appealing the idea of an all-expenses paid long weekend on an island was. Out of the question! In Hawaii, there'd be no one to back her up if they had an argument, or a friend to pull into the room if Tsukasa tried to get to cuddly with her. No distractions. Taking a glass of water and the telephone with her, Tsukushi settled herself at the table.

"I'll just ask Yuki to come with me," she said aloud. It seemed a reasonable solution until she recalled that lately her best friend had been nearly as bad as Sojiro and Akira in their less than subtle quest for a consummation of her relationship with Tsukasa. Yuki would be far more likely to scold her for being chicken than eagerly agree to come along as a bodyguard. Unless…

Tsukushi grabbed the phone and dialed, grimacing at the smooth answer on the other end.

"Nishikado!"

"Oh. Makino. It's you."

"Don't sound so excited. Look, are you up for a quick vacation in Hawaii this weekend?"

"Hawaii?" Sojiro sounded suspicious. "The hell you talking about?"

She heard Akira's voice in the background. "Hawaii? Who's going to Hawaii?" Sojiro's lazily drawled response didn't care if she heard. "Working Girl wants me to go to Hawaii with her. I knew she couldn't resist me for much longer."

"No! No!" she yelped in irritation. "Tsukasa wants to go to Hawaii."

"Tsukasa?" Akira had grabbed the phone away from Sojiro. "Tsukasa's planning a trip to Hawaii and he's having you do the invitations?"

Damn it all, he was laughing at her!

"Umm… yes?"

"Well, that's horse shit if I ever heard it." It was Sojiro again, and he sounded just as amused as Akira. "But I have the feeling that adding people to this little excursion will royally piss off Tsukasa. Count us in."

Well, that hadn't entirely gone according to plan, but at least he was coming, Akira. Safety in numbers. She promised to let him know details as soon as she actually had some from Tsukasa, but Sojiro cut her off and said not to bother. This was followed by a low murmur that she couldn't make out which prompted a burst of laughter from both Akira and Sojiro.

This is just not going to end well, she thought despairingly. All because she'd panicked at the thought of making out with Tsukasa, had frantically disentangled herself, and proclaimed exuberant interest in whatever program had been left playing on the television before the whole disaster with the remote had happened. All because of some stupid nature show about the ocean life in the waters around Hawaii which had prompted that one stupid comment about being the only girl in Eitoku who'd never been to Hawaii.

Which to Tsukasa's mind translated as, Take me away to Hawaii, Tsukasa!

Tsukushi flopped onto her back and then dialed the phone again.

"Hey, Yuki?"


	3. It Ain't Nothin' But a Party

The Psychology of Getting Laid

**Summary: **They aren't… you know.

**Disclaimer: **I didn't create Hana Yori Dango. To quote James Hetfield, "You know it's sad but true."

**Author's Note:** Yatta! More reviews. Well, I have lots of ideas for this fic, but some of them I think can be separated out and used for different stories. I have to do lots of thinking. Thanks to everyone reading this who has taken the time to review and let me know I'm not just wasting my time. Haha… I see a LOT of hits and far fewer reviews. To me, this suggests that people are peeking in, hoping to read smutty sex scenes and leaving disappointed. You naughty readers, you. Wherever would you get such ideas?

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**Chapter Three: It Ain't Nothin' But a Party **

"You're manipulative," sighed Yuki, but she didn't sound particularly broken up about it.

Perched next to Tsukushi as they soared above a glistening ocean on one of the smaller Domyoji private jets, she had fallen victim to Tsukushi's scheme to lure her to Hawaii with the promise of a shirtless Nishikado. As far as Tsukushi was concerned, moral support was moral support, even if it did come in the form of a best friend who regularly had naughty thoughts about a boy who had already checked more than half of Tokyo's female elite off his "To Do" list.

Akira and Sojiro were lounging across from them, sprawled almost on top of each other on one of the cushy benches lining the inner walls of the fuselage under the window, the dark-haired teen intent on his PSP while Akira, wavy red hair hiding his face, tried to concentrate on his book and ignore the frequent and foul-mouthed outbursts from his friend.

Yuki chewed her lip, furrowing her eyebrows at the beautiful contrast between Sojiro's dark good looks and Akira's fiery copper locks.

"I've never seen two guys so physically comfortable with each other," she said doubtfully as Sojiro, in an attempt to get more comfortable, wriggled round on the bench and finally, never taking his eyes off the game screen, rested his head against Akira's lap, an action completely devoid of self-consciousness that Akira barely seemed to notice.

Yuki poked Tsukushi in the arm. "Are you _sure_ they're not… you know?"

Tsukushi sighed. "No, they're not."

"Right."

"Right."

There was a long pause.

"We are talking about the same thing, right?"

"Yes!" exclaimed Tsukushi in exasperation.

"Right, right," Yuki responded hastily.

Sojiro hooted triumphantly as he beat another level in his game, something that apparently even impressed Akira, because in a moment they were both crowded around the PSP laughing and shouting.

"I mean, homosexuality, right?"

"Oh, my God."

Tsukushi would have abandoned her friend and struck up conversation with her boyfriend, seated closer to the cockpit, but he'd been sulking ever since the line of extra people accompanying him on his romantic getaway had begun trickling onto his jet. The sulking was deterrent enough, but even more offensive was the pretty blonde head resting against Tsukasa's brawny arm.

Tsukushi couldn't make up her mind whether Sakurako had somehow found out about the expedition and wormed her way into their company or if either half of Akira and Sojiro's dynamic duo had invited her along out of pure mischief. However she got on the plane, there she was, pretending that she'd innocently fallen asleep and unconsciously slumped against Tsukasa, who had given up shaking her off 10 minutes back east, and Tsukushi was irked.

The jet rose gently on a swell of brief turbulence, drawing a low moan from the trembling pile of blankets and boy belted securely to a short bench behind Sakurako and Tsukasa. In her excitement, Yuki had made the mistake of mentioning Hawaii to Kazuya, who had given Tsukushi puppy eyes until she'd felt guilty enough to invite him along.

And then there was Rui, whom Akira had insisted on bringing along as well, gracefully stretched across another bench. He'd been asleep since takeoff and no one was expecting him to wake up any time soon. It belatedly occurred to Tsukushi that she could have technically asked Rui to come with her as support and shield in the first place and avoided the crowd that was now going to be watching her every move with Tsukasa. However, going away with her ex-boyfriend and her current boyfriend would have been weird in it of itself, so perhaps it was better this way, anyway.

Tsukasa turned his head at that moment and caught her eyes. Tsukushi blushed guiltily as his dark eyes bore accusingly into hers. His eyes darted back to Sakurako, snuggled up against him and still feigning sleep. He stood up abruptly and moved to another seat, ignoring the indignant protests of the suddenly awake Sakurako as she pitched face first onto the seat. Throwing a mutinous look at Tsukushi, she flounced over to harass Kazuya.

"Tsukushi. Come sit with me." Tsukasa's words were an order, not a request. She should have known he wouldn't pout for much longer.

Narrowing her eyes, she contemplated turning up her nose and refusing, but after hesitating, she finally got up, crossed the aisle at an angle, and sat down awkwardly next to him. She noted his crossed arms, the straight line of his mouth, the arrogantly expectant arch of his right eyebrow. She twitched slightly. What did he expect her to say?

A minute of awkward silence went by, broken only by the occasional crowing from Sojiro. Finally, Tsukasa stiffly took her hand in his, deliberately looking anywhere but at her as he did so. As the jet put more miles between them and Japan, they sat next to each other, rigid and uncomfortable, until the low, soothing vibration of the aircraft lulled them both to sleep and they pressed into each other, each unconsciously seeking out the comfort of the other.

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**Edit 05/19/07:** Good God… I edited this chapter a year ago and promised an imminent fourth chapter. Mea culpa, folks. Cancer and chemotherapy has made this past year Hell for me and my daughter, so I haven't been effectively creative at all. In my down time, I've been melting my brain with World of Warcraft. Anyway… yeah. There will be an update. Someday. I think I have a vague idea of where this story is going… maybe. 


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